


to. daniel

by ackerwhat



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? I DON'T KNOW I'M SORRY JUST READ THIS, i miss nielwoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-11-26 07:46:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18177857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackerwhat/pseuds/ackerwhat
Summary: Sungwoon broke all of his promises. He was a curse to Daniel’s life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small gift to compensate my absence huhu _one more week. ___

 

* * *

☁️

 

Daniel woke up, startled by Rooney’s tail smacking his face. His first instinct was to hug the feline, delighted that in return, she had purred back contently against his hold. He rubbed his face against her fur, lips smacked as to not eating her coat. His eyes were shut, enjoying how amazing his morning had come to be.

 

After basking in the moment for another minute or two, he let her go. She happily took off, not before kneading the bed with her cute paws. Daniel smiled at her swaying body as she flaunted away, grateful to have her, to have _all of them_ with him as his loyal companions.

 

It was getting lonelier these days, albeit spring almost leaving and the summer sunshine is already peeking around the corner. He checked his phone for the time, noticing that it wasn’t morning anymore. The number ‘12’ was mocking him and Daniel chucked his device on the bed. There goes his morning jog plan with Woojin. He made a note to call his friend later to at least apologise for his absence, but he had a feeling that Woojin knew that he wouldn’t be coming. Still, he would call him. _Later_.

 

Daniel dropped his body back on the bed. The other side of his mattress was cold.

 

 

It had been a while since a particular scent lingered on his bed. He placed a hand over the vacant spot, hating how spacious and vast the space was. It felt like yesterday when he would wake up to a man’s gentle face—accompanied by some snoring (his nose was so cute as it twitched), small wheezes (Daniel always thought that he was rained on by bad dreams in his sleeps but it was just a habit, he’d clarified) and just everything soft. Everything about him was _soft_. Like _cotton candies_. Like the _clouds_.

_Especially the clouds_.

 

 

The seep of loneliness kinda get into him. There was no singing in the shower, albeit how short those showers would be. No pans clacking in the kitchen, no smell of toast or even the boiling of hot ramen. It was quiet, and true, Daniel had always been a homebody but he didn’t like this hollowness he was feeling.

_Meow_.

 

Well, not really alone.

 

“Okay, okay, oppa is up now.” He announced to his cats. By the sound of his feet touching the floor, little thumps of steps ushered him to quickly get up and feed them. Looking at how hungry they looked, Daniel felt his stomach grumbling as well. Maybe he’d call Woojin and ask him for a lunch date too while he was at it.

 

* * *

 ☁️

 

_“Wake up, handsome,”_

_“I don’t want to wake up,” A peek of an eye opened, and Daniel could see it. Soft hair was touching, tickling his face, little puffs of breath hitting his nose—he’d just brushed his teeth, how cute. Below his chin was a mask, cloud printed, but his hair was still a mess._

_“Where did you go?” Daniel asked._

_“I need to leave,” He said. “I need to finish recording something.”_

_“It can wait,” Daniel said, arms going around the man’s lean body and hugged him. He dropped down with a ‘oof’ sound and Daniel laughed. “So silly, hyung,” He said, voice laced with affection and more. He swore he could feel his heart beating. After so many times, mornings with him still make his heart to be pulsating._

_“I’m serious,” An apologetic kiss was pressed on Daniel’s lips, “I need to go, baby. I’ll be back soon.”_

 

* * *

 ☁️

 

Daniel laughed when he saw another presence with Woojin in the café. Woojin stared back and shrugged innocently. When Daniel sat down across him, he said, “What do you expect, hyung? We come in one plus one.”

 

“Well, if I know that Jihoon is coming, then I’d suggest going to the food chain restaurant down the block.”

 

“He doesn’t need that, dude already has his calorie fix with him,” Woojin commented and gestured to the take-away order Jihoon had on the vacant stool next to him. His boyfriend punched him on his shoulder, but continued eating anyway.

 

“Don’t call your boyfriend ‘dude’.” Daniel said and laughed yet again when Jihoon nodded his head enthusiastically in agreement. “How are you guys these days? I didn’t realise it but it’s been a while since I last seen everyone.” Daniel missed entirely that small moment of Jihoon and Woojin sharing a look.

 

“Everyone’s been very busy.” Jihoon noted, “Jisung hyung with his musicals, Seongwu hyung with his modelling. Woojin’s busy choreographing for a project too. Don’t worry, hyung, you’re not missing out too much. Woojin ignores me too these days.”

 

“I told you that I’m busy.” Woojin argued.

 

“Yeah, yeah, excuses,” Jihoon waved back uncommittedly.

 

“You know I’m sorry about that,” A pout appeared on the dancer’s face. Daniel just watched in amusement over the couple’s dynamics. Instead of intruding over their weird relationship banter, Daniel decided that he couldn’t put off his hunger anymore. He raised his hand and called the waiter to place his order.

 

 

Daniel was thankful that he went out that day. Albeit people’s happiness served as a bitter reminder to him, it had been a while since he had that much fun. Jihoon and Woojin were the best people to be around when he was feeling down. They cheered on him, making him lose track of the state he was at. Spending time with them made him nostalgic even, and he promised himself to go out more often.

 

It had indeed been a while.

 

 

His order came, a feast of the luscious sandwich set the café has. They talked more, with Woojin and Jihoon leading the conversation. They shared about what the rest was up to these days, Jinyoung and Daehwi, Minhyun and Jaehwan. Even Kuanlin who’d just came back for a visit. They purposefully mentioned nothing about another name and Daniel was grateful for that.

 

Daniel was caught up with feeling sorry that he’d no idea that Kuanlin had travelled to Seoul for his short break.

 

“He was a bit upset,” Woojin revealed, “But he understands. He says he’ll visit you personally when he comes over again.”

 

“Or I can go and visit him there?” Daniel pondered out loud.

 

“You’re going on a vacation?”

 

“Well, not really a vacation,” The oldest of the three shook his head. “Just a small escape? I’m not ready to go to work yet,” And he had nothing to worry about, Woojin, despite his young age, could managed everything well. Daniel continued and further confessed, “and I don’t want to stay at home. It suffocates me.”

 

 

“Go,” Woojin encouraged, “I’ll take care of the cats. Or. Someone else would, I don’t know, Daehwi maybe?”

 

“Why are you volunteering for someone else?” Daniel chuckled. He didn’t say it back then but he felt touched at Woojin’s offer. “It’s alright. You’ll be busy with the new project. I don’t want to trouble you. It was just a random thought anyway.”

 

“That’s why I’m offering Daehwi’s service.” Woojin pointed out, no guilt whatsoever for sacrificing his brother’s name around. “He’s clumsy and probably would be too attached to his computer and composing stuff, but I can guarantee that he won’t forget to feed the girls.”

 

 

Jihoon was quiet for a long time after that. Daniel thought nothing of this as he also was swept in by the thought of vacationing. Vacation… travelling somewhere, going around… actually living his life. For as long as he’d remembered, it had been a long time since he last did all of those.

 

He had no one to come with.

 

And at that point, Daniel became sad. Saddened by the thought of separating when he had never ever wanted it.

 

 

“It’s nice seeing you,” Jihoon said after silence flounced into the atmosphere, “Niel hyung.”

 

Daniel looked up at his friend. And flashes of old memories greeted him. The resemblance was not uncanny. The two were practically brothers. Jihoon’s hair was now a shade of brown, and that person had tried various of dyes on his head. Daniel could perfectly imagine him with the hair colour Jihoon was supporting. Their eyes, bright and round, twinkling and deep. Their lips… most of their features… even the way Jihoon was engulfed in Woojin’s large sweater right now.

 

Daniel couldn’t really say the same with the way his heart lurched at the moment. So instead, he just smiled.

 

* * *

 ☁️

 

_“Are you guys really going on a vacation? At this time?” Jihoon asked from where he was standing by the door._

_In the living room, the couple was stuffing a shared luggage with their clothes and basic necessities. Daniel looked up and greeted Jihoon, “Hey, Jihoon-ah. Good morning!”_

_“It’s too early to be morning.” Jihoon grumbled, “It’s four a.m. for fuck’s sake. Hyung should be sleeping, and you, Niel-hyung, you shouldn’t even be here.” The two obviously were not listening at all. After leaving Daniel to do all the packing, the older man dropped himself to the couch and called his brother._

_“Would you please take care of Tan while we’re not here?”_

_“Why are you even leaving in the first place?” Jihoon asked grumpily. “Aren’t you like busy with recording stuffs?”_

_“Daniel was jealous that I went to Jeju with Minhyun.”_

_“I am not!”_

_“He definitely was,” A cackling sound of laughter teased the dancer and Daniel ignored him to continue to be pushing his lover’s Bluetooth speaker into the pretty-much-already-full bag. “So, this is planned in impromptu to sooth his wound.”_

_“I wasn’t wounded in the first place.”_

_“So, you’d take care of Tannie, right?”_

_“Get Jaehwan hyung to babysit.” Jihoon folded his arms across his chest. “Max is still shy so I can’t let Tannie come over. My dog will lose his trust on me.”_

_“I can tell Jaehwan for you, babe.”_

_“Why you? I can call him perfectly by myself.”_

 

* * *

 ☁️

 

“So, I heard you went out with the two devils?”

 

Daniel laughed at Jaehwan’s diction. Didn’t he realise that he could pass of as one as well whenever he laughs? But anyway, Daniel nodded and explained, “Missed out on a plan with Woojin so I said that I’d treat him to lunch. When I came, Jihoon was already munching on something.”

 

“That’s good,” Jaehwan nodded, “I get lonely these days too. The studio seems so emptier.”

 

 

Daniel paused. His hands halted from their play on Tan’s fur. The small dog pushed his head onto Daniel’s palm and the man resumed his petting. Jaehwan went back to strumming random melodies on his guitar and Daniel reverted his attention back to the dog. After a few seconds, Tan stumbled backwards and whimpered cutely on Daniel’s lap.

 

“He’s probably looking for some snacks,” Jaehwan said. He pointed to his bag and told Daniel to get something out of there for him.

 

“For you?” Daniel asked.

 

“Yes, for me.” Jaehwan scoffed, “Of course not, you dummy. For Tannie. Baby needs his snacks so feed him.”

 

“Since when are you so affectionate with Tan?” Daniel asked, reaching into the bag as he was instructed to. At the sound of the bag being zipped open and hearing the rustle of the plastic, Tan’s tail began to wag. “You never call him Tannie before. If I’m not mistaken, you keep on calling him ‘stinky breath’.”

 

“Don’t say that out loud,” Jaehwan pressed a hand over his heart, “Tan’s breath may stink but he’s still cute.”

 

It went unsaid but the reason why Jaehwan had taken such good care of Tan was because he was entrusted to do so. Of all the number of people his previous owner knew, it was Jaehwan that had been appointed as Tan’s new ‘hooman’.

 

 

“Anyway,” Jaehwan continued, “Tan’s a good company. He keeps me in line because I need to take care of him. And before I could do that, I need to take care of myself first. He’s obedient too, he never bites the cables in the studio and doesn’t poop everywhere.”

 

“Hm,” Daniel trailed, playing with Tan’s bigger-than-his-face ears, “He kinda look like he lost weight, huh? Have you been hitting the gym, you young one?” He scooped the dog up and hugged him.

 

Jaehwan looked at the interaction with a small smile. Jaehwan too, had lost some, especially on his cheeks. He looked more mature now that he wasn’t looking like walking dumplings (but Daniel kinda misses his buns so…). “Hyung was too generous with his snacks last time. Me, I’m a more disciplined owner.”

 

 

That was one of the rarest times someone had mentioned about _him_ in front of Daniel. Everyone had been walking on their toes since…since the ‘incident’ happened. Daniel was okay, he was fine, but when people treat him like he’d break down at any given moment, it made him feel awkward too. One of the reasons could be because Daniel didn’t think much of it—about _him_ leaving—but everyone was keen on making it a big thing.

 

 

Daniel smiled. “I still think that Tan is your owner, but,” He shrugged playfully, diverting the course of conversation elsewhere, “But okay. Whatever you say, Jaehwan-ah.”

 

 

“You know you can come whenever you want, right Niel?” Jaehwan said as Daniel started to pack his stuff to leave. Tan was already asleep, on top of Jaehwan’s old pieces of lyrics and Daniel didn’t want to jostle him awake. He just waved at the dog as if the canine could see him (and understand his gesture).

 

“I’ll try to visit more often.” Daniel nodded.

 

“Don’t just try,” Jaehwan sighed, “It’s no fun without you.”

 

“I just…” Daniel paused. _What—what was he trying to say?_ He shook his head, retracked back to the conversation and nodded once more. “I will.” That wouldn’t be the first time that Daniel had promised that. Not the first that he’d break too. “Don’t worry about me.” Another lie. “I’m perfectly fine.”

 

“You sure?” Jaehwan asked again. When he deemed Daniel honest enough, he turned around to the shelf to get something.

 

“What are you doing?” Daniel called his friend, “Aren’t you going to see me out?” Jaehwan was too busy poking his head into the mess of papers and records being stacked on top of one another. He was probably busy and wanted to get a head start on his work, Daniel assumed. “Fine then,” He said, shoulders depleting, “I’ll see myself out.”

 

 

“Daniel, wait.” He spun around. Jaehwan was holding something out in his hand. “Here, I was cleaning up the other day and I found this.”

 

“What is this?” Daniel asked. He accepted the flash drive and inspected it in his hand. “Whose is this?”

 

 

“Who do you think?” Jaehwan asked. Daniel could only think of a name when Jaehwan said that. The device was small-sized, maroon, and it felt heavier than it should be in his hold. The vocalist continued, “I think he forgot all about it before he left. I found it inside one of the boxes they sent me. And…I didn’t open it.”

 

“You didn’t?” Daniel echoed his thoughts. He didn’t know if _he_ could open it himself.

 

“No,” Jaehwan said, “I don’t think I have the right to do so. It seems personal. And I don’t want to intrude on that.”

 

“But I should open it?” Daniel asked. His hand was stretched out and to be honest, he didn’t want to take it. He’d rather have Jaehwan keep it. If that person had left it here, then he probably didn’t want Daniel to see it too.

 

“I don’t know.” Jaehwan shrugged, rubbing the side of his face awkwardly. “It’s up to you. After all—” Daniel looked up at him, halting Jaehwan of his words. Jaehwan closed him mouth and patted Daniel’s arm. “I don’t know, Niel-ah, it probably just contains his illegally downloaded animes, or pictures of Tan.”

 

 _He’d never been into animes_ , Daniel revealed inside his head. And movies too, unless it was something from the Marvel series. Knowing that person, Daniel could only think of an idea. “Or recordings of his songs.”

 

Jaehwan took a deep breath. “Or maybe that.”

 

“I can’t listen to his songs. I can’t listen to his voice.” Daniel said truthfully. His eyes were void of any emotion and his expressions said little about his feelings. But Jaehwan knew. Jaehwan had seen it personally, with his own two eyes, how _his_ absence had changed Daniel’s life. “He left me.”

 

Jaehwan heaved another long sigh. Before he could open his mouth, Tan had apparently woken up and was circling his feet. “The baby’s hungry. I should feed him.”

 

“I’m going out now.” Daniel motioned to Jaehwan. The conversation abruptly ended there and Jaehwan didn’t have the chance to say anything else. After Daniel closed the door behind his back, Jaehwan plopped down to his swivel chair. The soft pad of the backrest cushioned his fall but nothing could even soothe that uneasiness in his heart.

 

He looked to the side. To a framed picture of all eleven of them together. And to one particular face, Jaehwan said, “Why did you go, hyung? What are you going to do now?” Jaehwan felt Tan’s stubborn nibs on the bottom of his pants and looked at his pet dog, “What should we do now?”

 

* * *

☁️

 

_“You’ve been staying a lot outside.” Daniel commented. He had just got back from a meeting with the owners of the building where he’d set up his dance academy. They wanted to raise the rent and Daniel was just frustrated at everything. When he saw no shoes on the entryway, his mood began souring even more. Not long after that, the front door beeped._

_The push of the door revealed his lover, whom he’d seen in that attire for a few days already. “Where did you spend the night this time? With who?”_

_“What do you mean?” He asked, “What are you implying by saying that?”_

_“Why are you getting mad at me?” Daniel asked. “I was just stating the fact.”_

_“Daniel,” He called out his name desolately. “I’m tired. I’ve been recording for hours straight and I’m not in the mood to stroke your ego back to life. I didn’t see anyone else and I didn’t go out with any other person. I just want to sleep right now.”_

_“Well, sleep then,” Daniel grumbled back. “Why don’t you sleep for a longer time? It’s not like you have time for me anyway.”_

_“Well maybe I will.” Oil to his fire, salt to his wound. He said nothing else and walked away from the spot. Not long after that, their bedroom’s door thudded close._

_Later that night, Daniel opened the door carefully. It wasn’t locked._

_He had already positioned himself comfortable (as comfortable it could get) on the living room’s couch but things just didn’t feel right. He hated going to sleep still being mad. When he poked his head inside, his man was already calling for him. Daniel accepted his hands and crawled under the sheet._

_“I’m sorry, I love you.” He apologised._

_“I have something big that I’m preparing,” He said. “Please wait a while longer. I promise that everything would turn out back to how it was, or, even better.”_

_“Tell me you love me,” Daniel coaxed._

_“I do. I love you. Don’t be mad.”_

_“ You don’t be mad.” _

_“No, you—”_

_“Sleep tight. Shh,” Daniel hushed his lover. A small kiss, this time on his forehead. “I love you.”_

 

* * *

 ☁️

 

Daniel didn’t want to open the file.

 

When he came back from Jaehwan the other day, he had left the damned thing on his desk and went on with life as usual. He tried to go about his routines—feed his princesses, feed himself, update his mom and Jisung hyung about how he’d been coping, how he’d been doing… _Tried_. He tried, but he failed miserably to keep it from his mind.

 

And so, he kept it somewhere else.

 

It worked. For a few weeks. Then March came and Daniel’s heart wavered.

 

He put the flash drive in. It was late evening, he’d fed his cats, and was done with showering. His hair was still wet—thin clothes barely doing the part to keep him warm. The calendar became louder, the number on its page seemed to be making fun of him. 20th. 2 more days.

 

 

He didn’t think much. He switched his laptop on, keyed in his password, and waited as the black desktop wallpaper greeted him.

 

He put the flash drive in.

 

Funny. The only file inside the drive was a folder.

 

니엘에게. / To. Niel

 

 

His finger paused. One of the girls grazed by his legs. She meowed. The light wasn’t switched on, and thus, only the light from the screen illuminated the room.

 

 

He called Jaehwan.

 

“Open it,” was Jaehwan’s response. “It’s for you then.”

 

“I can’t do it,” Daniel said. He was staring at it right now. The cursor was wavering lamely on the folder, not clicking on it. “It’s been a year. I can’t do this.” He had been doing fine. A year, that was a long period. He couldn’t get back to how it was last Spring.

 

“Because it’s been a year that you should open it.” Jaehwan said. “Give yourself a closure, Niel-ah.” After a moment, Jaehwan asked, “Do you want me to go there?”

 

“No,” Daniel answered, “No, i-it’s okay. I’ll see what I can do. I don’t know.”

 

He ended the phone call with a promise to call back. Although he wouldn’t know it, but on the other line, Jaehwan was feeling remorseful. Maybe he shouldn’t have given Daniel the flash drive. But when he thought about it, carefully, it had been a year. The separation was abrupt, no one saw it coming, and Daniel deserved to have his proper conclusion to that chapter. If Jaehwan was to justify himself, he’d say that he did that in Daniel’s best interest.

 

They all needed it actually.

 

That closure.

 

* * *

☁️

 

It was a song. Untitled though.

 

Daniel listened to it, and when it replayed, over and over again, he let the loop filled his ears. Sungwoon’s voice was beautiful—evergreen really. He could listen to him forever.

 

He cried. Daniel did.

 

And at the end of the song, each time it was replayed, Daniel’s hurt was pierced a million times. He felt oxygen restricting, the way his chest hurt in every way possible. He couldn’t say anything, managed to only let out pathetic cries.

 

 

For a year. He didn’t cry at all, in the span of those days, those twelve months, four seasons. He prided himself as strong. Even when he carried a framed picture of Sungwoon smiling, holding him for his last march before he was taken away, Daniel did not cry. He did not cry.

 

 

The song concluded in a monologue, ‘Close your eyes and say it. There’s something I want to say to you. I’m really thankful to you.’

 

And then, in his sweet voice, with a soft smile that Daniel could perfectly picture, Sungwoon said _, “To Niel-ah,”_ One beat of laughter, probably for him to compose himself before he continued, “ _I will probably sound too cringey and you might pretend not to know me. But I love you and I want to wake up to your silly face every day. I can’t imagine a day without you.”_

 

A pause.

 

A deep breath.

 

_“Will you marry me?”_

 

* * *

 ☁️

 

Kang Daniel felt that Ha Sungwoon’s words are a curse.

 

Funny how Sungwoon was singing to him, reminding Daniel to keep him in his memory, to remember him, to not forget him. He said he couldn’t imagine a day without him. But how could he leave Daniel all alone now? He promised him forever. Every day of waking up together, loving and staying for each other.

 

Sungwoon broke all of his promises. He was a curse to Daniel’s life.

 

His lies, the promises—those were all a curse, a death-bound curse.

 

☁️

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading :D


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sungwoon's pov

* * *

**-**

**-**

**-**

**_the prologue can be found[here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16747960/chapters/43344863)._ **

**-**

**-**

**-**

* * *

 

 

 


End file.
